Week-anniversaries are hell for me

So, remember last time I went abroad, how on the week-anniversary I punched a bum and subsequently got my ass handed to me by a bunch of 10 year olds? And how I was blind for much of that time, which for some reason I still don't understand many of you find absolutely hilarious?

Boy did this week-anniversary top that one.

Before I begin, mom, I'm sorry for not calling first, but as you will soon read, I have good reason for that. AND the important thing is that I'm completely absolutely 100% ok...

Still, David, you may need to write a funny comment for this one again to help my mom out...

THE STORY:
After long conversations with Ash and Morgan, and a day out on the town with my host family in Machala (who is awesome by the way), Jon, Katherine and I headed out for the 10 hour bus ride back to Quito. I had kept my contacts in the whole time on the first trip, and I didnt want to risk my eyes breaking or anything so I had decided to wear my glasses and have my contacts in my little green bag. I was fully intending on sleeping the vast majority of the trip in order to be well rested by the time we got back to Quito so there would be no problems going to the Ecuador/Bolivia soccer game (sorry Ash and Dave, I'm rooting for Ecuador). So, as the bus started, I put my glasses into my bag, put my Ipod in my ears, and began dozing.

Three hours later, I was rudely interrupted by a awful smell coming out of the bathroom and a man shouting and running up and down the aisles. I still don't know why the smell was absolutely necessary, but all of a sudden, the bus takes a sharp turn off the road into a forest. It's about this time that the man shouting passes by me again, and, even in my near-blindness, I can see he's holding a gun.

Oh joy.

This man, we'll call him Jorge, because lets be honest, there's a decent chance that's actually his name, starts hitting people with his fists and yelling for people to wake up and give him his money. It's about this time that the bus door opens and in come three other men to join the party. People on the bus start moaning and crying, including Katherine who is sitting next to me, and Jorge and the others start yelling more things in Spanish. Apparently I need to brush up on my "common-phrases used in an armed robbery", because I did not realize Jorge was telling me to put my arms on my head. Fortunately, he was very empathetic about my gringo ignorance, and politely pistol-whipped me in the back of the head to help my further understanding of the Spanish language. That's right, I was pistol-whipped. I have a bump on my head to prove it. And I'm not upset at all. Lets be honest, how many of you can say that's happened to you? Not many, I'm guessing. Here's a scenario for you:

You (approaching an attractive girl at a bar): Hey beautiful, I played three D-I sports in college, I've won a Nobel Peace Prize, and I can wiggle my ears.
Me (approaching same girl at bar): Hello there, sorry, I couldn't help but notice that you didn't say you've been pistol-whipped. Well guess what? I have been.
Girl: Bryce, you are absolutely the most amazingly bad-ass man I've ever met in my life, please please take me home with you.

Trust me, I've played this scenario out many a time in my head. It ends the same way every time. Point goes to me.

Anyways, back to the story:
After being told how correctly to behave in a stick-up, I am asked by Jorge for all my 'plata', which means money. I empty one pocket and, like he has done to many other people in front of me, he tells me to get up and get off the bus. I walk down the stairs into the warm welcoming arms of two other guys, one of whom was really young. They proceed to give me the most thorough frisking of my life. I tell you what, the President should hire them for his secret service, especially if they cut down on this stealing from innocent people habit they've established. It's actually a good thing, because now, if there's ever a time I'm tempted to hide valuables up my rear end (no jokes please) or in my crotch, I can say to myself: "No Bryce, you know that that's the first place they're going to look." In this frisking process, they take everything out of my pockets and anything that isn't money they throw to the ground, including my passport copy and important phone numbers that I have. After they're done, I decided, you know what I really need those papers. So I ask the baby robber to give them to me, and he looks at me a little dumbfounded that I'm actually talking to him, stammers something, and eventually reaches down and puts them back into my hands. Then he tells me to go lie down on the dirt path along with the other men that have already been taken from the bus.

Oh, if you aren't laughing right now, remember this: My glasses are still in my bag on the bus. I am completely and utterly blind, and to prove that point, I accidentally step on three of the other men on my way to my assigned location in the dirt.

It's at this point things get a little serious. Apparently, according to Katherine, all the women are kept on the bus. And she says that something was done by three of the men to one of the women on the bus. I'm not entirely sure what, I'm not really searching for answers there, but whatever happened there was seriously messed up. Also, the man lying beside me starts to groan, and it turns out that he is an employee of the bus station and had put up a struggle getting off the bus. In return, the jackass Jorge stabbed him. Twice. Once around his waist/crotch and once in the side of his chest. And as he rolls around on the ground, at one point he gets on his side and his tshirt and pants I can see are covered in blood. This is the not-fun aspect of the experience, really messed up and not cool, but I believe both people were ok; the employee was taken to the hospital as soon as the police came and the girl continued on our trip with us.

So after a while, probably an hour and a half, of listening to the thieves rummage through the bus and taking people off, someone says something about a car, and they split. It is now time to assess the losses. Let me tell you one thing, these robbers had issues. First and foremost, they took my glasses and contacts. Yeah, maybe its just because they took the bag that they were in, but I found other stuff that was in the bag strewn around the bus, so clearly they went through the bag and decided that they had some blind friends that could use American glasses. Also, they took my iPod. This is somewhat obnoxious, because I spent way too much money on it. However, they left my headphones in my seat...why I will never know. They also took a deck of playing cards, my cell phone, and all the money from my wallet. They left, however, my wallet itself, including my emergency cards, my volunteer card, and, for some wonderful reason, my debit card. Also, they left my jacket. Which reminds me. Dad, I may or may not have your jacket here in Ecuador. And, wonderfully, they didn't get into the luggage compartment, so all my clothes are still in my bag.

So basically, because I'm trying to finish this in time to get to the soccer game, here are the summary points of the story: I lost my glasses and contacts and spent the next 8 hours of the trip (because we still had 8 hours to go), completely blind (In fact, when Peter, our director, came to pick us up, he said he had brought my contacts, but really he had just brought the one for my left eye...which made the trip back to the house very interesting). And finally, I am a bad-ass because I've been pistol-whipped. If you are a girl and you have not had a crush on me already, this should change immediately.

Seriously tho, as you can see, I'm not phased really at all by this, life is about stories and since we all got out of it ok, it's a story that I'll be willing to tell for a long time. I'm completely 100% fine, really mom, i am, and I don't feel any more in danger than I did in Spain, so don't worry about me. I'm going to get a new cell either today or tomorrow, and I'll get that new number out asap. However, if anyone wants to buy me a new iPod, I would be more than happy to accept. Just kidding. Kind of.

I'm sure I've left some things out, so if you have any questions, just type them, and I'll answer them in my next post.

~BRYCE